Your instinct is indicative of your heart

surrounded by his christmas shopping, 16 books of john stott, n. t. wright and their contemporaries,

d: do you think you’ll ever like a guy who loves God, but isn’t a deep thinker?
me: errr. -pause- i don’t know.

well, yeah. interesting question.

___________________

- i watched before sunset yesterday; inspired scriptwriter, cheap director who should be shot. i’m not buying the postmodern ambiguous ending argument, sloppy work is what it is, i’ve seen good ambiguity and that wasn’t.

- casual chat with kangwei turned up a possible travelportalglowingtrapdoor kinda feeling, gradtrip = nepal, tibet, china, mongolia, sounds like woven tribal patterned headdress wearing lovin, possibly possibly. (i also possibly account for half the adjectives in the world.)

- am writing like a dying man taking his breaths./preparing the body at the mortuary

I feel I was never able to forget anyone I’ve been with. Because each person has, you know, specific qualities. You can never replace anyone. What is lost is lost. Each relationship, when it ends, really damages me. I never fully recover. That’s why I’m very careful with getting involved, because, it hurts too much.

I will miss of the person the most mundane things. Like I’m obsessed with little things. Maybe I’m crazy, but,

when I was a little girl, my mom told me that I was always late to school. One day she followed me to see why: I was looking at chestnuts falling from the trees, rolling on the sidewalk, or… ants, crossing the road, the way a leaf casts a shadow on a tree trunk…
Little things.

I think it’s the same with people. I see in them little details, so specific to each other, that move me, and that I miss, and, will always miss.
You can never replace anyone, because everyone is made of such beautiful specific details.

Like I remember the way- your beard has a little bit of red in it. And how the sun was making it glow that morning, right before you left. I remember that, and- I missed it.

part of a scene with julie delphy playing celine, talking to ethan hawke playing jesse.
Before Sunset, yeah.

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